Current Issue #488

Film Review:

Vin Diesel humourlessly stomps his way through this drab filming of the Valiant Comics character by first time director David SF Wilson.

Big Vin was obviously hoping to kick off another franchise like his Fast & Furious, xXx and Guardians Of The Galaxy entries, but under the direction of Wilson (a guy who’s worked in computer games and trailer-cutting until now), this is as dull and dumb as action movies get.

A little gore, lots of fetishised guns, oodles of fancy tech and at least one hot chick are in there to distract us from how leaden and dreary it all is, but even the most drooling and desocialised fanboy would still find this hopelessly humdrum.

Diesel is Ray Garrison, a soldier introduced blowing up lots of extras in one of those standard movie battlefields and then returning to hang out with his beloved Gina (Talulah Riley) on the Amalfi Coast (although they didn’t really film there). Ray and Gina are duly kidnapped by some goons, taken to a slaughterhouse and introduced to Martin Axe (Toby Kebbell), who does a dopey dance to the tune of Talking Heads’ original Psycho Killer before, well, killing them both. And that’s not a spoiler because there would be no movie if he didn’t.

Ray awakens in the skyscraper stronghold of PRS (Project Rising Star) and gets debriefed by cyborg Dr. Emil Harting (Guy Pearce) and the also-augmented Katie/KT (Eiza González, who does a lot of smouldering). It seems that Ray has been brought back to life with self-healing nano-technological blood and other would-be-amazing abilities but, wouldn’t you know it, he starts having goofy, Robocop-esque flashbacks and soon breaks out to exact some thumping revenge.

This all takes up about two-thirds of the running-time, which means that we’re then treated to some fairly awkward twists and turnarounds, none of which are especially original or interesting, and all of which require Vin to, um, act. Which he does… sort of.

Almost in-production since 2012, this might have once starred Jared Leto and/or been directed by John Wick main-man Chad Stahelski, and yet here it is with Diesel, Wilson and more credibility gaps than you could shake Vin’s leathery chrome-dome at. But wait, a sequel is promised at the end, so get ready for more Bloodshi… sorry, Bloodshot.

Reviewer Rating

Bloodshot (MA) is in cinemas now

DM Bradley

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